I despise my inability to do something with great haste and consistency. And I'm not solely referring to my failure at getting out of bed when the first fearsome beat of Beyonce's 'Run The World' comes to life at 07:00 as an alarm on my phone. No. I am pretty much referring to everyday things that should be done relatively speedily but do me just being me, they take a helluva long time. What I'm trying to say is apologies for my long and inexplicable absence and I cannot promise you that my posts will frequent this sexy page very often, but I will make an effort to try. That sounds rather redundant. Life has been rather dandy-ish since we last conversed, but there have been a number of speed bumps across the way. The road is still bumpy, but I've upgraded to a more suitable automobile so I don't feel the humps as much as I used to (no sexual innuendo there).
What prompted my return was a browse through a blog by some girl I know - I won't mention who she is or left hints . It was a pretty-looking blog. Not the best writing my eyes have ever stumbled upon but a bloody brilliant effort. It was very raw. Very real. She was so honest and she was not trying too hard to be smart, witty or whatever. She laid everything out on the table and I found that quite endearing. It made me want to become a regular reader of her blog. I'd like to do the same with my blog. Enough with the fancy faffing. Getting down to the nitty gritty. While I'd love to reveal all every tidbit of my life on a public forum, it simply isn't exciting enough so I will settle with being honest about my daily 'struggles'.
Capiche.
Monday, 18 February 2013
Saturday, 7 July 2012
Divided Nation
I have become disenchanted with my native land. Upon arrival in South Africa a month ago, I felt a great sense of sadness. I can't quite explain it. Perhaps it was due to the fact that I had, during my time studying overseas, painted a highly nostalgic and unrealistic picture of home. Highly understandable when you consider the extent to which I was homesick. However, my experience at the Frankfurt airport along with a couple back home, have made me become a little frustrated with South Africa. We're such an unhappy and angry people. We truly are. The only time we bother to be friendly and unite as a nation is when we are confronted by foreigners (Western foreigners to be exact). Because the one thing South Africans hate more than being criticised, is being criticised by others. Particularly those in the West.
The incompetence of government, unfriendly glances from fellow South Africans at Frankfurt airport, constant striking on the part of teachers, exorbitant display of wealth by civil servants and complaints by privileged South Africans who have nothing or very little to complain about, have truly done my head in. I don't want to return to the UK or anything, but I would very much like to leave South Africa for a while. I get that no place is perfect but reading the newspapers or watching the news has depressed me significantly. There's no nationhood among us. There's no sense of unity. We're all divided. Not only racially, but culturally and economically.
It seems Nelson Mandela's efforts to build a rainbow nation were indeed in-vain.
The incompetence of government, unfriendly glances from fellow South Africans at Frankfurt airport, constant striking on the part of teachers, exorbitant display of wealth by civil servants and complaints by privileged South Africans who have nothing or very little to complain about, have truly done my head in. I don't want to return to the UK or anything, but I would very much like to leave South Africa for a while. I get that no place is perfect but reading the newspapers or watching the news has depressed me significantly. There's no nationhood among us. There's no sense of unity. We're all divided. Not only racially, but culturally and economically.
It seems Nelson Mandela's efforts to build a rainbow nation were indeed in-vain.
Wednesday, 20 June 2012
Horrible Bosses
As I mentioned in my previous post, I wanted to do more than just chill during this long vacation. Hence, I got myself a job shadowing stint with this high-flying advocate, or at least that's what she claimed to be, for a day. I say this because people in South Africa have the tendency of playing around with terms without realising the significance thereof. For one to call oneself an advocate, one would need to have studied as a devil under a devil master and then undergo the process of being deemed a 'fit and proper' person to be admitted to the Faculty. Although I hate to underestimate people, judging by how widely travelled this woman is, it is impossible that she is an advocate. It would mean that she trained to be an advocate in the many jurisdictions in which she has worked which, as I said, impossible.
Anyway, swiftly moving on, I noticed that this woman had an undeniably sour air of arrogance to her. Not the one which you would normally associate with lawyers, doctors and other practising professional, but one which was so pungent that you would have to be one oblivious oke (person) miss it. Well, this special lady told me two days prior to the actual job shadowing, that she had a meeting in Cape Town (a city in my native South Africa) and I had to follow her there. Cool. I had no qualms with that. After all, she was a high-flying advocate and things like these often crop up in a workplace that's as hectic as hers.
However, things took a turn for the worst when I arrived in Cape Town and I actually had to meet her. My poor brother had the unfortunate task of driving me to this lady's offices at 07h30 and as soon as we thought we had found the place, she decided to change the venue of the meeting. I was gobsmacked. Not only was this lady as indecisive and unpredictable as Cape Town's weather patterns, but she was also extremely rude, patronising and downright haughty. Eventually, my brother flipped out and said he was tired of driving around, which she overheard on the phone and decided to cancel my internship. I begged her to reconsider but she still cancelled on me. I was so devastated that I cried. My brother was apologetic but I did not and still do not resent him for it. If anyone had spoken to my brother or anyone else for that matter like that, I too, would have been unimpressed.
It made me think about my career, my future and the type of person and professional I would like to be. I hate to bring race into the matter but I feel as though it is necessary here. So many older black professionals, because of the adversity that they've overcome in their lives and the fact that they're educated, have a massive superiority complex and refuse to invest in black youth. Yes, I understand that professionals from other racial backgrounds may share the same inflated sense of self. But it is the issue of preserving a legacy and ensuring the training of the youth, where there seems to be a differentiation between my race group and others. I always found that my white Jewish friends and my Indian friends were welcomed to intern at their parents' friend's company or organisation openly. When I asked my friends about their experience, they often spoke about how their parents' friend was patient, understanding and wanted to ensure that they had learnt something from the experience. I'm not begging for professionals to go easy on us youngsters but perhaps a more practical and teacher-like approach would be highly beneficial. It is that kind of legacy-preservation and approach which does not exist amongst us blacks. We have an 'everyman for himself' type of mentality and a deep-rooted desire not to see other black people grow and flourish in the same space as us. My father, who is a black profesisonal himself, often uses the metaphor of a ladder and how the black man who reaches the top of it will throw it down so that other black men do not follow-suit and he is the only one at the desired destination. We do not realise that competition is healthy as it not only preserves wealth but also makes it grow. Hence, the reason why we will only reach certain heights of wealth and become stagnant in our careers.
Moreover, referring back to my experience, I found it most heartbreaking that the person who essentially did not give me a chance to prove myself, was a woman. Without meaning to sound like a pseudo-feminist, I really do feel that in a such a male-dominated industry, we have a duty to look out for each other. Even when we make mistakes. If said lady put her ego aside, perhaps she would have had the pleasure of nurturing someone who could have furthered her business ventures or perhaps given her ideas which would have benefited a generation of girls in this country. Obviously I do not think that I would have had such an impact but I'm giving possible scenarios or outcomes which could have panned out had this lady not been so egotistical. We are letting ourselves down as women because we're always the first to complain to a predominantly-male government or institution about gender inequality and female empowerment yet we are not empowering ourselves. It is rather patriarchal, ironic and slightly discouraging that we are always relying on men for our empowerment and sense of self-worth and belonging in society. When are we going to do things to uplift ourselves on our own accord?
I do not mean to play the victim here but as a young black female, I feel as though I'm double-handicapped. When the incident unfolded, I swore to myself that I would never work for a black female again and started to abhor all these older black females who had all but a few seconds ago, become the bane of my existence. However, I've had a change of heart. Instead of adopting the racialist views which have crippled and disadvantaged my older counterparts, I've decided not to become anything like them. For me, humility and a forward-thinking, positive attitude is the key to solving all these issues in our country. Because what at the time seemed to be the worst day of my life, could serve as inspiration to create better days for black women and the like in South Africa.
Anyway, swiftly moving on, I noticed that this woman had an undeniably sour air of arrogance to her. Not the one which you would normally associate with lawyers, doctors and other practising professional, but one which was so pungent that you would have to be one oblivious oke (person) miss it. Well, this special lady told me two days prior to the actual job shadowing, that she had a meeting in Cape Town (a city in my native South Africa) and I had to follow her there. Cool. I had no qualms with that. After all, she was a high-flying advocate and things like these often crop up in a workplace that's as hectic as hers.
However, things took a turn for the worst when I arrived in Cape Town and I actually had to meet her. My poor brother had the unfortunate task of driving me to this lady's offices at 07h30 and as soon as we thought we had found the place, she decided to change the venue of the meeting. I was gobsmacked. Not only was this lady as indecisive and unpredictable as Cape Town's weather patterns, but she was also extremely rude, patronising and downright haughty. Eventually, my brother flipped out and said he was tired of driving around, which she overheard on the phone and decided to cancel my internship. I begged her to reconsider but she still cancelled on me. I was so devastated that I cried. My brother was apologetic but I did not and still do not resent him for it. If anyone had spoken to my brother or anyone else for that matter like that, I too, would have been unimpressed.
It made me think about my career, my future and the type of person and professional I would like to be. I hate to bring race into the matter but I feel as though it is necessary here. So many older black professionals, because of the adversity that they've overcome in their lives and the fact that they're educated, have a massive superiority complex and refuse to invest in black youth. Yes, I understand that professionals from other racial backgrounds may share the same inflated sense of self. But it is the issue of preserving a legacy and ensuring the training of the youth, where there seems to be a differentiation between my race group and others. I always found that my white Jewish friends and my Indian friends were welcomed to intern at their parents' friend's company or organisation openly. When I asked my friends about their experience, they often spoke about how their parents' friend was patient, understanding and wanted to ensure that they had learnt something from the experience. I'm not begging for professionals to go easy on us youngsters but perhaps a more practical and teacher-like approach would be highly beneficial. It is that kind of legacy-preservation and approach which does not exist amongst us blacks. We have an 'everyman for himself' type of mentality and a deep-rooted desire not to see other black people grow and flourish in the same space as us. My father, who is a black profesisonal himself, often uses the metaphor of a ladder and how the black man who reaches the top of it will throw it down so that other black men do not follow-suit and he is the only one at the desired destination. We do not realise that competition is healthy as it not only preserves wealth but also makes it grow. Hence, the reason why we will only reach certain heights of wealth and become stagnant in our careers.
Moreover, referring back to my experience, I found it most heartbreaking that the person who essentially did not give me a chance to prove myself, was a woman. Without meaning to sound like a pseudo-feminist, I really do feel that in a such a male-dominated industry, we have a duty to look out for each other. Even when we make mistakes. If said lady put her ego aside, perhaps she would have had the pleasure of nurturing someone who could have furthered her business ventures or perhaps given her ideas which would have benefited a generation of girls in this country. Obviously I do not think that I would have had such an impact but I'm giving possible scenarios or outcomes which could have panned out had this lady not been so egotistical. We are letting ourselves down as women because we're always the first to complain to a predominantly-male government or institution about gender inequality and female empowerment yet we are not empowering ourselves. It is rather patriarchal, ironic and slightly discouraging that we are always relying on men for our empowerment and sense of self-worth and belonging in society. When are we going to do things to uplift ourselves on our own accord?
I do not mean to play the victim here but as a young black female, I feel as though I'm double-handicapped. When the incident unfolded, I swore to myself that I would never work for a black female again and started to abhor all these older black females who had all but a few seconds ago, become the bane of my existence. However, I've had a change of heart. Instead of adopting the racialist views which have crippled and disadvantaged my older counterparts, I've decided not to become anything like them. For me, humility and a forward-thinking, positive attitude is the key to solving all these issues in our country. Because what at the time seemed to be the worst day of my life, could serve as inspiration to create better days for black women and the like in South Africa.
Saturday, 9 June 2012
Vacation
It's holidays. Time for three months of pure relaxation and no stress. I must admit, I've very much been looking forward to this moment. Exams were such a struggle and they really did require a different kind of perseverance and discipline from me with regards to focusing on my studies. I was easily tempted to drift into a daydream which usually concerned me, along with others, doing all the things I had planned to do during my holiday such as reading, writing, praying, partying (who would have thought those two would sit next to each other in a sentence? Cheeky!) etc. However, I find that I have fallen into the same trap as many others who eagerly anticipate the holidays; I've suddenly forgotten about all the über cool things I had in store for myself. Some of these über cool things included punching a homophobe or sexist pig, becoming a librarian or deciding to ditch my studies and teach English to children in South East Asia (I'd love that though). Obviously, these are a bit of a joke and I did and still do have big plans for the holidays. For now though, I've resorted to resting on my laurels, positioned in front of the TV, reminiscing on the semester and the wonderful time I had in London a week earlier. How sad?
Well, at least I have an internship lined up for myself and the prospect of learning how to drive. Very few people have such opportunities in today's competitive job market, ruthless post-recession and dire economic climate. I'm also planning on visiting my brother who studies in a city two hours away from my home city. This is not work. It's more leisure to be fair which I do enjoy and deserve after the year I've had!
I know I have things to do but it's just the interim period between the actual doing and the thinking-of-doing which is killing me. I guess I could give myself a bit of a break and enjoy some downtime before hitting the grind. Hmm, that said, guess I should set an auto-tune for this week's episode of 'Toddlers & Tiaras'.
Ciao for now! :0
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